My Weakness, I Detest Thee

I was hoping for four miles today. Fake miles, even. On the treadmill. Instead, I did three. Three miles in 28:45, which is not noticibly better than nine minute miles.

In a related matter, I seem to be gaining weight like a madman. I'm up over 81 kilos, which makes me heavier than I've been since May or June of 2001.

The more self-esteem I garner and the more attention I get from women, the less motivated I am to get into the gym and really punish myself. Wallowing in depressive self-loathing was good for my body. I wonder if I need to bail on the antidepressants.

Travelling backwards through time

In an attempt to clean my apartment, I'm going through a box of papers and basically turning it into another box full of papers, plus a trash bag and recycling box. Hopefully I'll soon be able to take all these papers and file them or throw them away. What I can't make an immediate decision about should hopefully constitute a much smaller box than the one that's been monopolizing my living room, plus the goal is to get enough of the crap that's been covering my floor up off the floor so that I can vaccuum. I hope that's not an overly optimistic goal. The place looks like hell right now.

One less wire to trip over

I've been putting up with bad phone wiring in this apartment for more than a year now, with a line splitter sticking out of the one working jack, and phone wires snaked across the floor into the living room and into the server closet, where the DSL "modem" is. Well Christmas day I started the wiring project and discovered a couple of things about the phone wiring here. That got me about halfway there. Today I got on hands and knees with screwdriver, flashlight and wirestripper, reached under the desk and moved the jack to where all the wires came together.

Wavelength Infinity

It seems that some people are attracted to non-linearity because dealing with the world in linear terms is too difficult. These people toss up their hands and give up, saying "hey, man, you can't make those kinds of judgements. The universe is all, like, abstract and stuff, you know? So like red light, green light, it's all the same thing. Rilly mister officer you're totally harshing out my freedom to understand the universe as it speaks to me."

I love the rain

Why is that? I just love watching the rain come down and make thousands of little ripples in the puddles on the street. I only wish I could hear the raindrops on the rooftop like I remember from my youth, or from when I lived where I had a skylight. It doesn’t even make sense. I just love it.

Running

Just got off the treadmill. Haven’t been on it in months, since I’ve been lazy and not making it to the gym much lately. When I have made it in here, I’ve wimped out and gotten on the stationary bikes. I did three miles on the treadmill. I wanted to do five, but considering it’s my first time in a while, three is pretty good. Five miles would have been a lot for me when I was at 70 kilos and running two or three times every week. At 80 kilos and a more slothful lifestyle, what I did is good.

Yum

Fresh carrot juice is sooooo good. And carrot juice in a bottle is sooooo bad. Most things aren’t like that. They’re like good/not as good or bad/worse or kinda ok/kinda not on the fresh/bottled matrix. But carrot juice just runs screaming from one end of the spectrum to the other.

I used my juicer for the first time today.

Not so easy

I’m back in my old hood, up on Alamo Square. I’m here to pick up cat food, but I’ve taken a detour up the hill to sit on this park bench and write.

This place seems off-limits to me now and I don’t like it. It’s been almost two years since I moved out. There are butterflies in my stomach as though I might get caught. I am not stalking Vikki; from what I know she moved seven months ago. So what is it that is pestering me? Why am I skulking around?

Spirited 8 Miles Away by a Femme Fatale?

Trying to figure out what to do tonight. I’m on Bart on my way to Oakland to meet up with El Destino and perhaps go catch a movie.

Tonight the new DePalma flick goes up against Eminem’s screen debut. Ironically the Eminem movie looks like it’ll be the soulful intellectually-challenging choice up against smutty trash, but that’s always a tough choice.

Might also see Bowling for Columbine, which I’ve not seen, or Spirited Away, which I admit even more reluctantly to having so far missed. I guess whatever it ends up being, I have a good chance of seeing something I’ll like.

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