Emptiness
Where did my life go? I still have no contact from either M. or Y. and this disturbs me terribly. The only plans I’ve dared to make revolve around these two women I’ve never met. Somehow this strikes me as a rather poor way to ensure my happiness.
But what are my other choices? Go out and date? have a normal life? No, this is where my ego gets in the way. I want an extraordinary life. I want my life to be a story of epic proportions. If there’s love in my life it must win against all odds. Who cares if some horny guy finds a horny girl and they go on to tolerate each other for the rest of their lives? Why would I want that? Why would I want to live with someone whose values are rooted in this place I’m coming to disdain more with each passing day?
But this is all my failure as an artist. If I cannot make a statement with my work, I compensate by trying to bring some element of life into my life.
The problem is ultimately that I’m waiting for something. And I keep on waiting. And my life is draining away a little at a time. Eventually there will be nothing left but a corpse and not even anyone to remember what I could have been. I keep waiting, but I’m afraid to jump. I’m the drivier of my own life and I’m riding the clutch.
One of my character flaws is that I’m good at self-delusion. I wonder if its possible that I could convince myself that whatever I’m waiting for has actually arrived? What would that look like?
If there’s love in my life
If there’s love in my life it must win against all odds.
I think that’s just about the only way it ever works out for anybody.
Have you tried Nerve?
Not seriously. My sponsor
Not seriously. My sponsor digs Nerve. He might have even met his girlfriend there. Not sure.
Here’s the profile I made a couple years ago:
http://personals.nerve.com/profile.aspx?bookmark=1pBjSjSy4j8%3d
If that doesn’t work, search for nowhereman
The problem is, those people are too close. I don’t think I’m up for meeting new people without spending a few months communicating online or somethng like that first. Otherwise, as I wrote earlier, the Third Date arrives way too fast and it’s time to reel in or cut bait. As you and others have pointed out, I’m a solipsistic narcissist, and therefore it’s hard for me to sort out what is someone else and what is my idea of who that someone else is.
So I’m thinking of running off to Europe. My plans/fantasies are so convoluted I can’t even start in about them right now.
It’s really great to see your smiling avatar. Seems like it’s been forever. Don’t be such a stranger!
So, that profile is fine,
So, that profile is fine, except that you should substitute a cuter photo — the one where you’re staring off into space heroically would be good. And maybe think of changing the title. How about “Buddhist with Homocidal Fantasies Seeks Dave Sim Fan”? I’m not saying “Loser with no job or skills seeks someone to fill the hole in his pathetic life” could *never* work, mind you, but it’s generally best to be slightly more positive.
Especially since you say “Not really a humble guy” (which is a great line, btw), so anybody reading your profile knows that the “loser” line is something of a dodge. I get that it’s funny, but you might be surprised how often that kind of joke gets made on these sorts of profiles. It’s usually better to put something honest across.
Lastly, you should *definitely* write a paragraph or two at the end. Talk about yourself, put something real out there. Say you’re a solipsistic narcissist and a tech geek and a comic artist, and talk about what you want in a girlfriend. This of course requires you to *know* what you want in a girlfriend, but you’re the best person I know at public self-examination, so you should have an advantage in this whole “painful honesty” thing.
I understand that you don’t really *want* to meet these girls, but I think you should grit your teeth and go do it. Seriously. You say you want love against all odds. Well, what are the odds that you, The Compulsive Splicer, would submit to the indignities of online matchmaking, would endure the excruciating ritual of the blind date OVER and OVER and OVER, and would eventually wind up with a girl you like and who likes you? Pretty slim eh? So GO FOR IT!!
The Third Date thing — just ignore it. Me and Ben hadn’t even touched by the third date.
Though I think the general idea is that, by the third date, both parties are deciding if they see romantic potential. For some people this means jumping in the sack. But just kissing her, or holding her hand sends the same essential message. You really don’t have to go to bed with her on the third date.
You KNOW that meeting real live girls in your hometown is way healthier than wrapping yourself up in elaborate fantasies about exotic women you’ve never met. I know you know this.
Thus concludes this episode of Unsolicited Advice from Shannon. Thank you all for tuning in.
Don’t be such a stranger!
I know! I’m just usually broke when Pigdog nights come around.
I still have your Tribe CDs, you know. I feel kind of bad about that.
Yeah, I put that profile
Yeah, I put that profile together in about twelve seconds after being harrassed to get my profile up and not wanting to deal with the person who was pestering me. I also have hard time shaking a certain disdain for Nerve, just because I used to work for a competitor that folded up just as Nerve was taking off, and that kinda bummed me out, even though I’ve always liked Nerve.
Oh, the other thing was that at the time I filled out the profile I had neither a bank account nor a credit card, so I was basically out of luck if there was ever a connection to be made. I should certainly update the profile. My Friendster profile is much better.
On geography, my track record in the last year is basically: New York City: Sex! New Jersey: Sex! Burlingame: Sex, but I really wished I hadn’t. Walnut Creek: No sex, and I’m pretty glad I didn’t. the calculus on this is pretty easy to follow: Vienna: love, Tehran: marriage.
And yes, I’m aware of how horribly full of shit I am when I say that. The trouble is I believe my own shit.
you’re the best person I know at public self-examination, so you should have an advantage in this whole “painful honesty” thing.
You’re so sweet! You actually make that sound like a good thing!
About the third date thing, I dunno. I know it’s not a rule I have to play by, but it creeps me out anyway. I’m having trouble getting past it. Especially with conventional women. Especially in this town when “conventional” means visible tattoos and facial piercings. You can’t tell the freethinkers by their wacky clothes anymore.
So, OK, I’ll update the Nerve profile and put $15 in so that I can answer ads and stuff. You’ve convinced me. =^)
Yeah, my Tribe CDs! yay! Actually, I already replaced Sleeper, but I was having trouble finding Abort. It can be tough chasing down defunct bands that never really took off to begin with. Thanks!