Almost 11pm

I’m mak­ing din­ner at 11pm, and I’m almost too tired to.

I’ve got­ten up at or before 6am three days in a row, and sat at a desk for eight or more of those three days. I don’t mean to gripe — I’ve got it good and I know it — but still. I’m tired. It’ll get eas­i­er as I do it more, but I’m glad that my first week back was a half week.

I’m learn­ing new appre­ci­a­tion for time. Just a lit­tle bit of chat­ting with co-work­ers and my employ­er turns into leav­ing the office after 7pm. It’s an hour home, so that means if i go to the gym for 90 min­utes it’s 9:30 and push­ing 10pm before I get home, not hav­ing had din­ner. Now count back­wards from 6am and tell me what time I should be going to bed in order to get up then. Uh-huh. I should be asleep already by 10pm, maybe 9pm con­sid­er­ing I don’t have enough time in the morn­ing not to be rushed.

It’s just more num­bers in my life that nev­er seem to add up. I mean, if I did­n’t stop for food, the num­bers might be a lit­tle bet­ter. Ugh.

I’m afraid to let myself sleep past 6am tomor­row too. I need to get into the habit. Can’t get into a habit with­out doing the thing that is to become a habit, right?

My back hurts and my stom­ach has been both­er­ing me for three days. Get­ting accli­ma­tized to work­ing in an office will be a relief.

But it’s all worth it when I think that in a month I’ll have a rea­son­able-sized pay­check. Not what I was mak­ing in 2000, but my rent is a lit­tle more than a fourth of what it was then. If I play this right I can have my cred­it card debt gone by April. Those fuck­ers have made enough mon­ey off of me already. It will be nice to be free of that par­tic­u­lar burden.