Phunaphobia

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I have nev­er done the Elec­tric Slide sober. I am not about to start now, either.

I came to this sober dance in the best of spir­its. I showed up with a very love­ly young woman who looks drop-dead stun­ning, I had a great day that includ­ed hang­ing out with a rel­a­tive­ly new friend who is becom­ing a good friend. The dance is to cel­e­brate the 41st anniver­sary of AA in San Mateo and the meet­ing before the dance was great. They raf­fled a First Edi­tion Big Book (I did­n’t win, but I only bought three tick­ets). The speak­er was fantastic.

Then the meet­ing end­ed and the dance start­ed. I looked out at the peo­ple shak­ing their booties and it was just like walk­ing into a bar before I’d had a drink. There were all these peo­ple out there hav­ing fun and pair­ing off and doing what peo­ple do and there was me just like that par­ty when I was four­teen, against the wall try­ing to look cool by myself exam­in­ing the floor or what­ev­er I could to be any­thing oth­er than in with the oth­ers who are actu­al­ly capa­ble of hav­ing a good time.

So I went out to the park­ing lot and made a few phone calls. I went back in and it was the same thing. So now I’m back out in the park­ing lot feel­ing lone­ly and iso­lat­ed and fuck­ing stu­pid to be afraid of a group of peo­ple hav­ing fun.

OK well actu­al­ly there are some good rea­sons for me to feel alien­at­ed. I know no one here except the hot hot hot woman who is pur­su­ing her own options – she knows peo­ple here. I’ve always hat­ed loud places where I don’t know any­one. How do you social­ize if you can’t hear one anoth­er? I always used to drink until I did­n’t give a shit who was around.

This all proves that alco­hol is not my prob­lem. Life is my prob­lem and alco­hol was my solu­tion. Today I have a dif­fer­ent solu­tion, but I don’t know what step I have to work to get me out on the dance floor.

Published by splicer

5 Replies to “Phunaphobia”

  1. I was nev­er able to have fun
    I was nev­er able to have fun at par­ties until I drank enough, which was often too much. When I stopped drink­ing, par­ties became too dif­fi­cult to deal with.

    My solu­tion? I don’t go to par­ties any­more. Or if I do, it’s not real­ly because I’m going to fun, but because I want to sup­port my friends by either accom­pa­ny­ing them or attend­ing their event. If this is the case, I usu­al­ly stay for a very, very short amount of time and try to keep busy by drink­ing water, eat­ing snacks and talk­ing about hock­ey. (The one good thing about sports: small talk fod­der.) But if I attend, it’s most­ly to say hi, I like you so I’m here, but I hate par­ties, so I’m leaving.

    I would not rec­om­mend that you take a sim­i­lar course of action, mind you. Just the way I deal with it.

  2. Par­ties are great so long as
    Par­ties are great so long as I know at least a few peo­ple at them. Peo­ple I know I can relate to even in the pres­ence of big noise. And par­ties where peo­ple are drink­ing are OK because then some peo­ple get stu­pid and either A) need to be pro­tect­ed from them­selves B) are easy to toy with or C) want to fight but aren’t coor­di­nat­ed enough. 

    But this was a sober par­ty, so the peo­ple did­n’t get stu­pid. And the only per­son I knew was this girl who I think is hotttt but who does­n’t think I am (Steve: wan­na get cof­fee? HotChyk: I like us being friends. Steve oooookay, I can take a hint) And I can’t hold con­ver­sa­tions with peo­ple I don’t know while music is play­ing loudly

    For­tu­nate­ly a bud­dy of mine showed up after I post­ed and we got to hang out. It just took one per­son to talk to and the par­ty turned rockin’ cool.

    Now it’s about four hours after my bed­time. Lovely.

  5. I’d like that!
    Of course, I
    I’d like that!

    Of course, I seem to remem­ber you say­ing you’d pick me up at 8pm recent­ly and I wait­ed and wait­ed and you nev­er showed up…

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