Fill her up
There’s this Sting song on Brand new Day called Fill her up which sounds kind of annoying because Sting does this imitation of an American accent, but it tells a story which really resonates with me.
It’s about a guy who works at a gas station in the middle of nowhere and some city slicker shows up in a fancy sportscar taking his hot babe fiancee to Vegas to get married («yeah, that’s a real diamond»). The teller of the story resents his boss and starts dreaming of stealing the cashbox and running off to take his sweetie somewhere. As the city slicker drives away,
See those tail lights heading west
I got no money to invest
I got no prospects, or education
I was lucky getting a job at this gas station
He wants to be a big shot himself, and comes up with a plan to take the money and run. But as he’s going through the woods on his way to pick up his girl, with the money in his hands, a voice reminds him what he’d be doing to the girl, that he’d be «filling her up» with sadness and shame and madness and blame. Does he really want to impress her by giving her the life of a thief on the run?
It’s a reminder that I can’t make myself more attractive by my scheming and planning and playing the big shot. Or worse, that perhaps I can, but that my self-destructive actions affect other people as well, and that I would be hurting those closest to me by sacrificing my own sense of right and wrong.
I think maybe I’ll change my handle to «Lenny Nero».
The cool thing is that the song goes on to say «you’ve got to fill her up with» spirit, grace, heaven. Sting doesn’t bother to tell us whether the attendant brought the money back.
It’s raining out now. I’d go out and run naked except that I’m in Oakland and I’d probably be arrested.