Monochromatic Outlook

I just let my oat­meal burn on the stove because I was too busy chat­ting online with a pret­ty woman who I inad­ver­tant­ly offended.

Mmm­mm-mm! Well, at least burnt oat­meal tastes bet­ter than the foot I just pried out of my mouth.… Read the rest

Sore throat, stuffed up head, headache, body aches. My sinus­es are try­ing to blud­geon their way out of my face. NOT a hap­py camper.

Tak­ing some Dimetapp. Lets see if I’ll start see­ing the marsh­mal­low sur­pris­es found in every box of Lucky Charms. Woo!

Back to bed now. Maybe try to earn a liv­ing later.… Read the rest

It occurred to me not too long ago that the rea­son I was on the freaky no wheat or corn or toma­to diet was that I felt a lot bet­ter after I tried it. Among the ben­e­fits for me were decreased men­tal fog, greater ener­gy, and ele­vat­ed mood.

I noticed that if I, for exam­ple, had a piz­za, the next day I’d have low men­tal clar­i­ty, depressed mood, no moti­va­tion, and zero energy.

I’ve been “cheat­ing” on it for a while … Read the rest

82.0 kg this morn­ing. I’m bloat­ed like a piece of Microsoft code.

Woo! Time to go have a bar­beque and eat lot­sa fat snacks. At the very least it’ll be me and Erik. It’s a beau­ti­ful day over here and it’s bound to be even nicer over there. I’m still going to bring a cou­ple movies, if for no oth­er rea­son as a super­sti­tious ges­ture to pre­vent rain.… Read the rest

I’m sup­posed to be hav­ing a birth­day bar­beque for myself on Sun­day, but like every oth­er event I’ve ever planned, I haven’t both­ered invit­ing any­one because I’m too depressed. It’s not actu­al­ly my birth­day, but since my birth­day is near Christ­mas it’s hard to find peo­ple around then. Sun­day is 33-and-a-third for me, four months after Decem­ber 27^th.

It seems kin­da too late to start invit­ing peo­ple, but hope­fullt I can find a per­son or two who … Read the rest

80.8kg this morn­ing, but here I am cheat­ing again because this is the first time I’ve weighed myself in the morn­ing, when I’m nat­u­ral­ly lighter. Nev­er­the­less, I con­tin­ue forg­ing ahead. I plan to make it to the gym tonight.

I’m skip­ping my Life’s Work Cen­ter ses­sion today. I’m filled with fear that I’m fuck­ing up my work for anoth­er client. What’s messed up is that what I want to do is not fire away kick­ing ass at … Read the rest

Just back from the gym. It is a beau­ti­ful day out there. And I have an oppor­tu­ni­ty to look at the real­ism of my start­ing points.

I did­n’t have a spot­ter with me, so I had a lit­tle reser­va­tion on the bench about push­ing things too hard, and I did­n’t always bring the bar all the way down. That said, I did six reps at 115 pounds and five reps at 125 pounds. So I fall a bit short of … Read the rest

I hate mak­ing goals because then I might fail at them. Well, tough shit. As Super­Sleuth says, “I’m not afraid to be a fail­ure.” Well, I am afraid to be a fail­ure, but I guess I can “act as if” for a few min­utes to doc­u­ment some goals. If I’m gonna screw up, I may as well do it in front of every­one else and not try to pre­tend that things are going accord­ing to plan.

So, by the time Burn­ing … Read the rest

Con­scious self	Over­all self

Take Free Ennea­gram Test

…it seems to say I’m a sex­u­al deviant. If only.… Read the rest

20 min­utes on the tread­mill, a sim­u­lat­ed 2 miles cov­ered in that time. Not great, but at least I’m get­ting in there and fight­ing the down­ward spi­ral back to but­ter­ball coun­try. I’ve been hold­ing at about 80 kilos for a while now, but that num­ber is deceiv­ing because I’ve been gain­ing fat and los­ing mus­cle pret­ty steadi­ly for about a year and a half now. I don’t have the strength or vital­i­ty I did even a year ago and I’m … Read the rest