Monochromatic Outlook

I don’t like this, not one bit. This has been lin­ger­ing for too long. I talked to Erik on the phone yes­ter­day and he said my voice had dropped about three octaves. I’m croak­ing when I talk!… Read the rest

OK, I should have eat­en more before going to the gym.

OK, I should have tak­en it eas­i­er dur­ing the car­dio phase.

OK, I should not have jumped right in to work the same mus­cle groups I worked last time I was at the gym.

I’m so toast. I hurt. And I’m total­ly exhaust­ed. I feel like I caught the flu some­time in the last two hours. I’m try­ing to nurse myself back to health with sal­ad, an apple, and pro­tein bars. Then … Read the rest

Went to the gym what? THREE days ago? My chest still hurts. I’m wait­ing for Jeff to fin­ish his din­ner so we can go hit the Embar­cadero 24 Hour. It’s like our secret place out in the mid­dle of EVERYWHERE. Here’s the secret (shhh!) The Embar­cadero 24 Hour Fit­ness is this HORRIBLE yup­pie scum gym that is hor­ri­bly over­crowd­ed with peo­ple with too much mon­ey all the time. It’s right down near the finan­cial dis­trict. It’s impos­si­ble to get any … Read the rest

Well, about the only thing pro­duc­tive I did today was work­ing out. I went with Jeff and so I got to do bench­press­es, which I don’t do if I go alone. Some things just should­n’t be done with­out a spotter.

I was amazed at the num­ber of beau­ti­ful women at the gym this after­noon, too. And I don’t mean the cook­ie-cut­ter Cal­i­for­nia bitch kind of toned, tanned, blonde and bony that we see around here so much, I mean real­ly … Read the rest

Woke up at a rea­son­able hour, wrote my morn­ing pages, had break­fast, and went to the gym. Now it’s noon and I’m just get­ting ready to start my work­day, so it’s not a per­fect day, but not bad.

I’ve been sick all week, so feel­ing good enough to get back to the gym was great. I haven’t worked out in over a week and I real­ly missed it. I most­ly worked my arms today; preach­er curls and wrist curls, that sort … Read the rest

I went to a visions med­i­ta­tion and cer­e­mo­ny today. It was real­ly calm­ing and more than a lit­tle revealing.

Inves­ti­gat­ing my vision for myself is about uncov­er­ing more aspects of the vision I’ve always had for myself rather than invent­ing some­thing new. Some­times aspects take on new mean­ings, but the process is remem­ber­ing and allow­ing myself to real­ize that these things are pos­si­ble, or at least that I deserve to have this per­fect thing, even if it’s only in my … Read the rest

… I’m hunt­ing jobs.

Which are of course, more elu­sive than was­cawwy wabbits.

I fig­ure if I can’t bring myself to do the kind of work I have on my plate, that I’d bet­ter take some action to get some oth­er kind of work. This brings up a lot of fear of rejec­tion and all that of course. What if I find a com­pa­ny I’d real­ly like to work for and THEY don’t like ME? A load of horsepucky of course, … Read the rest

I seem to be hav­ing tremen­dous dif­fi­cul­ty in get­ting any­thing done that makes me any mon­ey. I hate to think that my dis­dain for mon­ey runs so deep that it com­pro­mis­es my abil­i­ty to do things I would enjoy if I weren’t mak­ing mon­ey from them.

We fin­ished Cool Beans! about a week ago, and I’m very proud of the work that I did on it, and of course pleased with every­one else’s work but the uni­verse revolves around ME here … Read the rest